Recovering from injury...the emotional roller coaster

" Just close your eyes and enjoy the rollercoaster that is life." - Zayn Malik

Will I ever feel normal again? Will I be able to do the things I used to the same way? Will I have a huge ugly scar? 

All questions running through my mind. As I lay in bed I can't help but wonder how detrimental this change in function will be. I just tried to extend my finger and I felt tension. A feeling I have never felt before. A feeling difficult to describe and it scared me. The reality of it all scared me. 

There are days where I feel unstoppable but at this moment I feel helpless and afraid. Why me? Why is this my journey? How beneficial will this be for me? I am trying to understand something I may never understand. There are people going through terminal diseases and here I am concerned about the normalcy of my left hand. 

With all the inspiration and hope I try to instill in my patients being in this position, that word empathy keeps coming back and it is then I continue  to understand the importance of empathy. 

Empathy is defined as:

" the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. "

Empathy is a substantial ingredient to this recovery pie. During any type of recovery there is a sequence of events. Sometimes wanting the end result can cloud the experience. 

Living as a therapist/ patient a lot crosses my mind about this journey. There is so much that goes on in the mind of a person who has gone from healthy and active to injured and dependent.  

I believe it is important to have someone who knows how the healing process goes;to have them cheering you on because the prize (recovery in this case) is attainable. Having the perspective that I have being a therapist, I can see the end at the beginning; at least that is the case when I'm treating the elderly population. I can confidently express positivity and factual information to my patients in regards to results. However, being the patient is the exact opposite. In my position right now, all I can see is the right now. The immediate repercussions  of this silly accident. Right now I don't understand all the new sensations I'm feeling in my left hand and I cannot see the end results. 

I now understand the feeling of having something shift your security blanket. I now understand the point of view of a patient. I am feeling broken and worried about selfish things. Things that shouldn't matter but at this moment matter a lot to me. The cloudiness of my thoughts could mold how my treatment goes. Who would ever think that feeling weakness physically could surface a sea of insecurities. 

Even though I am feeling down right now; I do know that I will recover. I will have bouts of frustration, joy, confusion, and a mix of emotions.

The road to recovery is an imperfect bumpy road. Maybe I will meet someone who changes my life, maybe I will find my life's purpose. At any rate, I am learning that it's not about the destination it is truly about the journey. 

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